livelihood (when i decide to be careful)

quiet with heartbeat air
hiding in the weeds
thin water shakes
body face head aches
the way the city tires itself out
and buried happiness sleeps
in blossoming green valleys holding
sweetly the small towns
in the backs of our yards

birds stay lonesome
even with each other
looking for lost ones
over the sea
and I'm frosty eyed
I move to be
who you want me to be

broken and dry while I ask
what the world is trying to take
from my fingers so bad
that they've broken my knees and
killed my kings and queens
and have bled
your heart and stolen your thumbs
trying to get it out of you

i've known
some men who wear sad tuxedos
and cry to themselves like the forest
but they can close their mouths
eyes comfortably. me I hate
the sound of my own voice
when it's quiet
when livelihood breaks the echo
of you in my mind
into a cracked raft rolling
in my heavy head
riverbed

it only takes me so far
away
when pages are turning
steadily, but rough, torn
faded, stained
and always the same
lost and wasted as my name
cried over